


Today, Sunday. a lazy day. All morning, I was reluctant to look at an agreement to prepare for a meeting tomorrow. I felt into this case, knew that there is no surprises and it should be quite smooth and easy. However, because the money involved was very big, I was nervous, about not preparing enough for the meeting. At the back of my mind, I was thinking of another case tomorrow. I was tense and restless, but unwilling to “work “.
This has been a common scenario since young, even my logic and my intuition tell me there is nothing to worry about – a part of me wants to “suffer” to make money, or get what I badly want. In school days, I remember I was so nervous about exam, at about 12-13, I cried. Even though I was one of the top students in school. At that time , I just could not cope with the stress of competition and my mother putting pressure for me to be the top student . There was no way out then, Because my mother expected me, to be top not only in my class , but in my form . My father did not have any say in this . it is still in my vivid memory , when I cried out of frustration and fear of exams , because I really did not want to study the books anymore, during exam time , She just said , to me , quite brashly , totally unsympathetic, “
“You are silly, what are you crying for?”
She is the reason, these days I never pressure my kids to do well academically. I do not want them to go through what I went through. I seldom had a day off during my school days- from Monday to Sunday. Everyday, after school, I would have different tuitions and classes- I learned piano, taught by a famous teacher in Ipoh , ballet, Chinese calligraphy and poems, swimming, endless tuition after school on school subjects. I even had an English man to be my English tutor for a few years in secondary school. Yes, I was lucky, I supposed because my family could afford to pay for this kind of tuitions and classes. But I was kept very busy and tense ……
Many parents want their kids to excel, in different fields. To me, this is all blasé because I do not my children to be surrogates for what I did not have as a child. I have been there, and done that -----all these activities- well It did not make me a Michelle Yeoh ( we had the same ballet teacher ) , or a famous artist. In reality, because I learned all these under pressure, so much so that I began to think that I was not artistic. I did not have talent and creativity , except I had a superb memory and did very well in maths science subjects .
So, this time, I am tuck again I asked myself- I know it must be some programming / beliefs that are making me to feel this.- like I was the 12 year old again .
Let’s get some clarity. So I lit incense, to clear the space and lay in my bed to breathe to move some energy. I also ask St G and the angels to help me release to break this matrix that is still troubling me .
I fell asleep and I had a dream………………….
In the dream, I was walking around in a dim dark place. It looked like an old cinema, on the 1st floor. There were many rooms. I walked around and checked out each room. The 1st room that I entered was a room that sold evening gowns. Expensive gowns. One of the gown was selling at discount – very cheap about 30-40 Ringgit. It was my size, but it has many stains on it and it looked used . I checked out another one- it was new, but too long for me. I walked out and checked out the 2nd room – it was selling cotton shirts and work clothes. I lifted one and found that the blouse looked very similar to the French cotton shirts that I bought in Paris in 1996. I put it down as I am no longer interested in this kind of clothes. I walked into the 3rd room- it was a room selling mamak store food , manned by a few many ladies wearing the tudung. I wanted to buy some food, but decided not to because they did not look attractive to me. I thought to myself, this store is at the wrong location because this is the far end of the building. I walked to another room, in there , it was selling cheap casual clothing , like pasar malam . I was not interested in those either . I asked the Sales girl- why are you here, selling all these cheap ordinary stuff, - why don’t you go home to the beautiful unspoiled island with your family ? if I were you, I would want to live in that care free, paradise “
Then I found myself at the ground floor, looking up this old cinema – seeing the spiralstair case. Old Building – like those cinemas of Shaw brothers built in the 1950s and 1960s. The dream ended.
But I did not wake up; I was shown a scene that I took recently near my house, where the local residents were blocking the roads leading to house. I heard a gentle voice in my ear- “open your heart chakra more , open your heart chakra more ”- lovingly and patiently.
All these rooms are the snapshots of my life- my creations . They were dark and I am not interested at any of the rooms anymore. Its time to let go of these old creations, even the entire cinema. I should create a new stage for myself- state of the Art, modern and New Energy .
I said “yes, I want to open my heart further, please help me to do that”
I woke up when my hubby walked into the room – asked me whether I wanted to go swimming with him and the kids. I was reluctantly to go as I “had not finished my work “for tomorrow.
Then the voice said again- “go, you need the exercise to move some energies, you will feel better after the swim” the agreement that you need to look at will not take much of your time, you can check it tonight. In other words, it is safe to go swimming . I knew I love swimming.
In my bed, my feeling was battling with my mind , I was torn , should I go , or should I not go .? Finally, I told myself, I need to follow my feeling. So I got up .
It was really a good swim, the weather was cool, and after the 3 rd lap, I warmed up, I felt much better as energies started moving in my body- the stiffness and tension in my body easing …..
After the swim , I saw rainbow ! I have not seen rainbow in the last few months now. I suppose this is a sign that I am following my passion , again and in the “flow “
We swam for about 1,5 hours and decided to drive to Klang for dinner. My peace and connection to spirit came back, and I felt very loving and peaceful. In the car, we saw one of the most beautiful sunset along Federal Highway , ….. Because of the traffic jam, we drove through a part of Klang that we have never been, and there was this Mosque in the Indian sections of town glimmering in dusk. It was so beautiful. When I check my photos, it was full of orbs, around the Mosque.
Things were in a flow , we fund our destination with gnost . A seafood restaurant buried in a Chinese village at Pandamaran. We have not been to the restaurant for at least 6 years now, and we were worried we would lose our way . It was a nondescript village house. We found the place with gnost - it has moved, but I saw the sign board of the restaurant-
all the time from Shah Alam to Klang, I was breathing and chose to have an enjoyable beautiful dinner- not naming the place,- but just chose to have a good dinner.
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