Flow comes from remembering only love is real

Today is D day for me , the last day of work before I fly to Paris . I do not know what is going to happen in Paris , but I feel it will be special . Since I have , unknowingly chosen to depart on 29-11- another 11-11, and coming back on 12-12- which means owning my power .

Sinnce last week, St G has told me my holiday has started – but the human side still wants to fret… But I have let go heaps in the last few days, and surrendered.

As usual , the human side tried to come in today , to get mental …. But I am getting better …..

A few important projects that I am doing are on track , one did not seem to be on track, until I “ came back “ into me , in the NOW ……its hard, because the mind keeps telling me , it’s the last day , it’s the last day , everything has to be under control and in order. Where as the divine part says – why hurry – the only way to live is JOY ….. And I can warp time, and choose there is enough time to do everything …..

New projects also came in the last two days, to ensure that I will have steady stream of limitless abundance even I am away for 2 weeks. St G has said that the France trip is on him as I have to write a book about him and snap photos in France – his haunts. I was doubtful- I asked him – for the 4 of us – the entire family … he said yes.

Of course, there is still the tendency to hunt for bargains- this is my mind keep prodding me, but – I have sneaking suspicions that if I choose to have a luxurious and fun holiday it will happen. Looking at the money that flow s it, it certainly looks like I can live like what I used to be (in past life) in the next 2 weeks in France, if I dare to spend it all 

Do I Dare? Do I trust myself – that the abundance is limitless, and is a constant flow – when I am not stuck > When I am in that loving sacred place? When I JUST AM????

Ha-ha, I suspect this is part of the test for me to go Paris. - When the human pressure is building up to prepare money for year end bonus and Chinese New year spending …..hmmmm interesting. He always like to do this kind of lesson ….. And let me find the answer. The simpler I make my life- the easier the solutions have been …. When I am out of my mind, in my heart and not try to drive or control things.

Another thing that excites me is how much I will remember this time when I am in France. This is my 3rd time in France – after 12 years – now my senses are open – in 1996 and 1997 – I did not even know that I was psychic…..here.

I watched the Movie “Atonement” lately. Usually, I would avoid a movie with a name like that – this time- it’s so Catholic, I was nudged to watch it …..






It was a beautiful story , and james Mcavoy is a very good actor , the others were good also . But what moved me most – was the scene where James’s character , after being discharged from Jail, to go to war, for a rape that he did not commit , meet Bryony , the young girl who testified that he was the rapist – ruining his life .

He met Bryony in Bryony’s sister flat in London – played brilliant by Keira Knightley . When Bryony tried to apologies to him for what she had done to him – he got very emotional and started questioning her – whether she knew what it was like, to be falsely accused and convicted and spent his life, wasting away in jail for an oxford graduate- betrayed by someone he almost considered being a younger sister.

His lover, played by Keira said

“come back ……come back here ( and now ) “..

Isn’t what we all need to remember – when we are raked by fear, pain , sorrow , anger , dejection – we go out into the past or in the future – should not we all come back here – in the heart …. In the now? in that loving accepting , quiet and sacred space ?

I collected my 75k at lunch today – this is my spending money ….when I got to office – I heard a voice that keeps telling me – this is the birth of a new energy lawyer …..
I know I know- how much I have changed in my approach to work compared to a few years – even now I am doing project as big as I sued to do again – this time – when I am in my loving , not fixing / controlling mood – things just flow …..

FLOW- lack of ......................

This morning , I woke up wanting this to be a holiday as it is a Saturday. I wanted to rest , I needed to rest. After breathing, despite the daily construction at the back of house, which starts at 8 a.m. sharp every morning, except Sundays, I heard Lala’s shrill voice. She lives in the back, as usual is waging her war against the developer – this time over the foot path. This morning, the drilling noise was real bad …..I could not concentrate. But , thank God, I could not hear my mother’s voice downstairs.

Just Breath ……………….slowly, my body heated up, I could feel the energies running through the entire body …the ear candling session yesterday was very good. I used about 20 candles . And the veins and meridians are really loosening up. - The stuckness has gone away a little more.

Its good, despite the noise, the Chi is flowing in my body. The word “flow “came to me. Wu Wei is flow …. New energy is flow – everything just flows into place nicely. The unicorn, his name if Fu-Ah , coming in now as my animal totem is also about flow. Its time for me to learn and remember the gentle part of me ……The Owl is still in the back ground some where, but Fu-Ah- is about Life- "full of Aha moments!" Not the disruptions, loud noises and interruptions. Then why are these disturbances on an early Saturday morning?

I took a How is My Day I Ching Card- it is San Di " Puo". Mountain and Earth - Peeling away. The first line moved , so it became San Lei - Yi Mountain and Thunder - Sustenance .

Did I really create these interruptions and distractions in my life???? It’s hard to accept this …. There are things that I want to do now – for e.g. - to tidy up the house, buy some new furniture, do a make over, as we have lived in this house since 1993- a touch up is long over due ….Also the cleanliness and tidiness of the house is wanting- My maid – she is too bad, in terms of honesty, but is getting sloppy in her work. It’s a bit ironical that I want to do big things when I cannot even organize a tidy house. Are my priorities out of balance? Or I am too demanding on my self? After all, I run 2 businesses, pursue my spiritual path , have a family – am I biting off too much that I am suffering from indigestion?

At this very moment – I wish I can have a reprieve- may be a 3 months’ break- living by myself in a beautiful little hut, in the nature , in the middle of nowhere so I can juts BE….with me and nature . So I can be in a quiet, clean, universe, safe, no disturbance and interruptions from humans or others. May be write a book, may be just doing nothing and enjoy life.



What stops me from doing this? If I am a real creator- I should be able to arrange this …….What cant I do it? Money pressure? I need to continue working? To pay for all the commitments?

Or I am in a whirlpool of never ending earning and spending? Can I stop some where, and just breath and be?

Walking down the stairs, my mother started her usual pouncing, ( she just came down 2 days ago from Ipoh ) – wanting Peter to bring her wanting to fix her phone IMMEDIATELY. As usual, she is brash and impatient. I frowned. Then my sister came in, checking on with Pete, the some questions of renovation on her new house that she is buying.


With the pounding and heavy drilling in the back of the house from the construction site , my peace was destroyed . I sighed, would I ever going to have a reprieve in my house? It’s my house, my castle. It’s been a hard and tiring week- tension filled, and I was fluish the whole week.




Where is my PEACE? Where is the flow? Where is the Wu Wei? If a part of me has created this chaos, definitely the conscious self wanted nothing of this.

Peter and I disagreed on where to go for breakfast. But I put my foot down; I wanted to go where I wanted to go- this is about loving me

Am I loving myself by being so busy ? Hmm, then I got a phone call, my god mother fell and is hospitalized in Ipoh and I need to drive back to Ipoh tomorrow to see her. So My Sunday is gone as well. Looks like I really need to sit down and make some clear choices to rearrange my life out of this chaos ……



WHY AM I OUT OF FLOW ?

A Voice said -

Becoz you are not living in the now . You worry too much about money- about preparing money for salary before you go overseas . Enjoy Life – this is the source of abundance – this is the source of your PEACE. This is the state of Wu Wei.

Where is your gnost – where is your wu wei.

It has gone out the door when you fret and fret.

No flow – life becomes difficult, distracting, boring, and only about surviving, getting through from one day to the next.

Flows means- everything will resolve it self – money, health, relationship, opportunism. Flows = gnosis = new energy=great, great abundance – money that you can never finish spending .aka health aka youth aka rejuvenation

What creates the “fretting “-

The voice said

“Beliefs systems, suffering complex- you need to work hard, to get what you want. you need to suffer to make Big moeny , or even not so Big money ( laugher )

Worry that things would go wrong aka low self worth aka not loving yourself aka forgetting your ‘I AM NESS”.

When you float out from the NOW moment- and let fear and worry rule your life- that’s – you are screwed ….things will go out of sync………

FU Ah- are you talking to me? Are you the Voice?

Its me – I saw the face of an Owl- my wise one in me is the Voice.

Then I discovered the right front tyre of my Merc needs to be replaced . It went into a pot hole when i tried to park my car in Ipoh on the morning of 11-11. I did not realise how serious was the little scratch until the mechanic near my house told me to change it immediately as the tyre will blow up anytime , eventhough the scratch looks harmless. Well i can only take it as some old energy was playing with me on 11-11, not wanting me to bring in the New Energy. I brought my car to the mechanic to change the tyres .

My sister called , checking with me whether I was going back to Ipoh and whether her daughter will get a lift from me.

I knew it ! My mother was up to her manipulation and arrangement again . She was deftly arranging for my niece to come back with me from Ipoh without checking with me whether it is ok for her to get a ride. This is what infuriates me everytime- she would run my life , without notice . OF course I would not mind givng a lift , but i MIND if this was arranged without my ASKING ME FIRST.

NOw , I realised the Puo Card is about "flow "- No flow today , and Yi Card is about whether i could control my temper.

As I write this , i could feel laughter by ST G and the Gang-

He is saying- what are you creating to attract this kind of energy from your mother ?

But , but I said" i am the victim ? a victim of my mother's manipulation !!!

He says- "So , have you been feeding her ? have you been Seducing her manipulation ?


DUH !!!

St G says ...." Breath .......to move some energies - you are wokred by the Sexual energy virus again ? "

Doing evreything with ease becoz I love myself

I have chosen to know my potentials, what I can do , what are my hidden talents since May 2009.

The journey of discovery of my potentials are scary but exciting . I found myself expanding what I do as a lawyer , going into area that I never dreamed that I would do before. Today, I found myself doing another first, I spoke out on the move to build a 8 feet high party wall that separate our area from the Shopping Centre. At the rate I am going, I may end up standing for election for public office ( just joking :)). Most importantly, i found that I could speak out my truth, express my feelings on the matter without anger, frustration and drama. I found that becoz I have chosen to live my life with ease and grace, but also speak out loving , in my truth . This is great as I am truly expressing myself . It feels so good to speka my mind, not thinking that no body would listen - that to me is another step towards loving myself - because I love myself, I accept that i need to air my view , but at the same time , honoring others free choice . without going into victimhood and thinking nobody would listen to me, or worse still, the negative thinking - the trouble makers are not going to listen anyway ........"

Do you know that once you speak your truth without anger and any form of energy feeding , without feeling you are a victim, it moves a tremendous amount of energies in your body and in your spirit- and things will get more exciting, and you actually feel good with moving energy this way.

Anther thing is I find that if i love myself, i would live every day as if it is a holiday , and things seems to flow ....much better , and I like to try out new things .....

I have also chosen to try out my hand to become a property developer, because I can play with the concept of green building . and Last fir day, I drew the 64 kua- the Thunder and lake "Lui Je Kuai Mei" kua , in the morning . in the afternoon, I was told I have an opportunity to become a shareholder in a developer company . Even though this is not a sure thing yet, But I am amazed how fast my desire manifest in the New Energy as , everyday, i am willing to believe in miracles , I am willing to believe that i am a creator, I can make clear choices .

Opening of the Heart chakra- closing old rooms after 11-11

Today, Sunday. a lazy day. All morning, I was reluctant to look at an agreement to prepare for a meeting tomorrow. I felt into this case, knew that there is no surprises and it should be quite smooth and easy. However, because the money involved was very big, I was nervous, about not preparing enough for the meeting. At the back of my mind, I was thinking of another case tomorrow. I was tense and restless, but unwilling to “work “.

This has been a common scenario since young, even my logic and my intuition tell me there is nothing to worry about – a part of me wants to “suffer” to make money, or get what I badly want. In school days, I remember I was so nervous about exam, at about 12-13, I cried. Even though I was one of the top students in school. At that time , I just could not cope with the stress of competition and my mother putting pressure for me to be the top student . There was no way out then, Because my mother expected me, to be top not only in my class , but in my form . My father did not have any say in this . it is still in my vivid memory , when I cried out of frustration and fear of exams , because I really did not want to study the books anymore, during exam time , She just said , to me , quite brashly , totally unsympathetic, “

“You are silly, what are you crying for?”

She is the reason, these days I never pressure my kids to do well academically. I do not want them to go through what I went through. I seldom had a day off during my school days- from Monday to Sunday. Everyday, after school, I would have different tuitions and classes- I learned piano, taught by a famous teacher in Ipoh , ballet, Chinese calligraphy and poems, swimming, endless tuition after school on school subjects. I even had an English man to be my English tutor for a few years in secondary school. Yes, I was lucky, I supposed because my family could afford to pay for this kind of tuitions and classes. But I was kept very busy and tense ……

Many parents want their kids to excel, in different fields. To me, this is all blasé because I do not my children to be surrogates for what I did not have as a child. I have been there, and done that -----all these activities- well It did not make me a Michelle Yeoh ( we had the same ballet teacher ) , or a famous artist. In reality, because I learned all these under pressure, so much so that I began to think that I was not artistic. I did not have talent and creativity , except I had a superb memory and did very well in maths science subjects .

So, this time, I am tuck again I asked myself- I know it must be some programming / beliefs that are making me to feel this.- like I was the 12 year old again .

Let’s get some clarity. So I lit incense, to clear the space and lay in my bed to breathe to move some energy. I also ask St G and the angels to help me release to break this matrix that is still troubling me .

I fell asleep and I had a dream………………….

In the dream, I was walking around in a dim dark place. It looked like an old cinema, on the 1st floor. There were many rooms. I walked around and checked out each room. The 1st room that I entered was a room that sold evening gowns. Expensive gowns. One of the gown was selling at discount – very cheap about 30-40 Ringgit. It was my size, but it has many stains on it and it looked used . I checked out another one- it was new, but too long for me. I walked out and checked out the 2nd room – it was selling cotton shirts and work clothes. I lifted one and found that the blouse looked very similar to the French cotton shirts that I bought in Paris in 1996. I put it down as I am no longer interested in this kind of clothes. I walked into the 3rd room- it was a room selling mamak store food , manned by a few many ladies wearing the tudung. I wanted to buy some food, but decided not to because they did not look attractive to me. I thought to myself, this store is at the wrong location because this is the far end of the building. I walked to another room, in there , it was selling cheap casual clothing , like pasar malam . I was not interested in those either . I asked the Sales girl- why are you here, selling all these cheap ordinary stuff, - why don’t you go home to the beautiful unspoiled island with your family ? if I were you, I would want to live in that care free, paradise “

Then I found myself at the ground floor, looking up this old cinema – seeing the spiralstair case. Old Building – like those cinemas of Shaw brothers built in the 1950s and 1960s. The dream ended.

But I did not wake up; I was shown a scene that I took recently near my house, where the local residents were blocking the roads leading to house. I heard a gentle voice in my ear- “open your heart chakra more , open your heart chakra more ”- lovingly and patiently.

All these rooms are the snapshots of my life- my creations . They were dark and I am not interested at any of the rooms anymore. Its time to let go of these old creations, even the entire cinema. I should create a new stage for myself- state of the Art, modern and New Energy .

I said “yes, I want to open my heart further, please help me to do that”

I woke up when my hubby walked into the room – asked me whether I wanted to go swimming with him and the kids. I was reluctantly to go as I “had not finished my work “for tomorrow.

Then the voice said again- “go, you need the exercise to move some energies, you will feel better after the swim” the agreement that you need to look at will not take much of your time, you can check it tonight. In other words, it is safe to go swimming . I knew I love swimming.

In my bed, my feeling was battling with my mind , I was torn , should I go , or should I not go .? Finally, I told myself, I need to follow my feeling. So I got up .

It was really a good swim, the weather was cool, and after the 3 rd lap, I warmed up, I felt much better as energies started moving in my body- the stiffness and tension in my body easing …..

After the swim , I saw rainbow ! I have not seen rainbow in the last few months now. I suppose this is a sign that I am following my passion , again and in the “flow “

We swam for about 1,5 hours and decided to drive to Klang for dinner. My peace and connection to spirit came back, and I felt very loving and peaceful. In the car, we saw one of the most beautiful sunset along Federal Highway , ….. Because of the traffic jam, we drove through a part of Klang that we have never been, and there was this Mosque in the Indian sections of town glimmering in dusk. It was so beautiful. When I check my photos, it was full of orbs, around the Mosque.

Things were in a flow , we fund our destination with gnost . A seafood restaurant buried in a Chinese village at Pandamaran. We have not been to the restaurant for at least 6 years now, and we were worried we would lose our way . It was a nondescript village house. We found the place with gnost - it has moved, but I saw the sign board of the restaurant-

all the time from Shah Alam to Klang, I was breathing and chose to have an enjoyable beautiful dinner- not naming the place,- but just chose to have a good dinner.

Have you been loving yourself 2day ?

Hihi, new energy masters , have you been loving yourself since last saturday ?- Life has been very interseting for me in the last 2 days ......

I have new insights ....how about you ?