This morning , I woke up wanting this to be a holiday as it is a Saturday. I wanted to rest , I needed to rest. After breathing, despite the daily construction at the back of house, which starts at 8 a.m. sharp every morning, except Sundays, I heard Lala’s shrill voice. She lives in the back, as usual is waging her war against the developer – this time over the foot path. This morning, the drilling noise was real bad …..I could not concentrate. But , thank God, I could not hear my mother’s voice downstairs.
Just Breath ……………….slowly, my body heated up, I could feel the energies running through the entire body …the ear candling session yesterday was very good. I used about 20 candles . And the veins and meridians are really loosening up. - The stuckness has gone away a little more.
Its good, despite the noise, the Chi is flowing in my body. The word “flow “came to me. Wu Wei is flow …. New energy is flow – everything just flows into place nicely. The unicorn, his name if Fu-Ah , coming in now as my animal totem is also about flow. Its time for me to learn and remember the gentle part of me ……The Owl is still in the back ground some where, but Fu-Ah- is about Life- "full of Aha moments!" Not the disruptions, loud noises and interruptions. Then why are these disturbances on an early Saturday morning?
I took a How is My Day I Ching Card- it is San Di " Puo". Mountain and Earth - Peeling away. The first line moved , so it became San Lei - Yi Mountain and Thunder - Sustenance .
Did I really create these interruptions and distractions in my life???? It’s hard to accept this …. There are things that I want to do now – for e.g. - to tidy up the house, buy some new furniture, do a make over, as we have lived in this house since 1993- a touch up is long over due ….Also the cleanliness and tidiness of the house is wanting- My maid – she is too bad, in terms of honesty, but is getting sloppy in her work. It’s a bit ironical that I want to do big things when I cannot even organize a tidy house. Are my priorities out of balance? Or I am too demanding on my self? After all, I run 2 businesses, pursue my spiritual path , have a family – am I biting off too much that I am suffering from indigestion?
At this very moment – I wish I can have a reprieve- may be a 3 months’ break- living by myself in a beautiful little hut, in the nature , in the middle of nowhere so I can juts BE….with me and nature . So I can be in a quiet, clean, universe, safe, no disturbance and interruptions from humans or others. May be write a book, may be just doing nothing and enjoy life.
What stops me from doing this? If I am a real creator- I should be able to arrange this …….What cant I do it? Money pressure? I need to continue working? To pay for all the commitments?
Or I am in a whirlpool of never ending earning and spending? Can I stop some where, and just breath and be?
Walking down the stairs, my mother started her usual pouncing, ( she just came down 2 days ago from Ipoh ) – wanting Peter to bring her wanting to fix her phone IMMEDIATELY. As usual, she is brash and impatient. I frowned. Then my sister came in, checking on with Pete, the some questions of renovation on her new house that she is buying.
With the pounding and heavy drilling in the back of the house from the construction site , my peace was destroyed . I sighed, would I ever going to have a reprieve in my house? It’s my house, my castle. It’s been a hard and tiring week- tension filled, and I was fluish the whole week.
Where is my PEACE? Where is the flow? Where is the Wu Wei? If a part of me has created this chaos, definitely the conscious self wanted nothing of this.
Peter and I disagreed on where to go for breakfast. But I put my foot down; I wanted to go where I wanted to go- this is about loving me
Am I loving myself by being so busy ? Hmm, then I got a phone call, my god mother fell and is hospitalized in Ipoh and I need to drive back to Ipoh tomorrow to see her. So My Sunday is gone as well. Looks like I really need to sit down and make some clear choices to rearrange my life out of this chaos ……
WHY AM I OUT OF FLOW ?
A Voice said -
Becoz you are not living in the now . You worry too much about money- about preparing money for salary before you go overseas . Enjoy Life – this is the source of abundance – this is the source of your PEACE. This is the state of Wu Wei.
Where is your gnost – where is your wu wei.
It has gone out the door when you fret and fret.
No flow – life becomes difficult, distracting, boring, and only about surviving, getting through from one day to the next.
Flows means- everything will resolve it self – money, health, relationship, opportunism. Flows = gnosis = new energy=great, great abundance – money that you can never finish spending .aka health aka youth aka rejuvenation
What creates the “fretting “-
The voice said
“Beliefs systems, suffering complex- you need to work hard, to get what you want. you need to suffer to make Big moeny , or even not so Big money ( laugher )
Worry that things would go wrong aka low self worth aka not loving yourself aka forgetting your ‘I AM NESS”.
When you float out from the NOW moment- and let fear and worry rule your life- that’s – you are screwed ….things will go out of sync………
FU Ah- are you talking to me? Are you the Voice?
Its me – I saw the face of an Owl- my wise one in me is the Voice.
Then I discovered the right front tyre of my Merc needs to be replaced . It went into a pot hole when i tried to park my car in Ipoh on the morning of 11-11. I did not realise how serious was the little scratch until the mechanic near my house told me to change it immediately as the tyre will blow up anytime , eventhough the scratch looks harmless. Well i can only take it as some old energy was playing with me on 11-11, not wanting me to bring in the New Energy. I brought my car to the mechanic to change the tyres .
My sister called , checking with me whether I was going back to Ipoh and whether her daughter will get a lift from me.
I knew it ! My mother was up to her manipulation and arrangement again . She was deftly arranging for my niece to come back with me from Ipoh without checking with me whether it is ok for her to get a ride. This is what infuriates me everytime- she would run my life , without notice . OF course I would not mind givng a lift , but i MIND if this was arranged without my ASKING ME FIRST.
NOw , I realised the Puo Card is about "flow "- No flow today , and Yi Card is about whether i could control my temper.
As I write this , i could feel laughter by ST G and the Gang-
He is saying- what are you creating to attract this kind of energy from your mother ?
But , but I said" i am the victim ? a victim of my mother's manipulation !!!
He says- "So , have you been feeding her ? have you been Seducing her manipulation ?
DUH !!!
St G says ...." Breath .......to move some energies - you are wokred by the Sexual energy virus again ? "
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